


Dance Anthems of the 80s

by lesbians



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/F, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Friends to Lovers, Humanstuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-18
Updated: 2018-08-18
Packaged: 2019-06-29 05:54:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15723330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lesbians/pseuds/lesbians
Summary: Kanaya Maryam accidentally tells her grandmother that she is dating a girl named Rose Lalonde (she isn’t) and agrees to bring her home for spring break (that’s a problem).Rose Lalonde agrees to a week and a half of a fake relationship, if only because she wants experience before asking out Jade Harley.





	Dance Anthems of the 80s

**Author's Note:**

> ive had this idea for some time and H H h H girls

“Huh,” Kanaya said, looking at her phone. “My granny is coming over for spring break.” 

“Oh, really? I love your grandma,” Karkat said. “Can we call her?”

“Dude, chill,” Dave said. “You got the hots for Kan’s mammy?” Karkat glared at him.

“No, Dave, I do not ‘have the hots for’ eighty year-old Rosa Maryam. I’m sure you could have figured that out for yourself.” He rolled his eyes.

“Actually, she’s going to call me in about an hour, if you want to say a quick hello to her, Karkat,” Kanaya said. Karkat grinned.

“Yessss. Do you think she’ll send me cookies like she did the last time I talked to her?” Kanaya shrugged.

“It’s possible. Granny loves to bake.” Dave snorted.

“My kinda woman,” he said, raising his eyebrows. Karkat groaned, and Kanaya jabbed him with her elbow.

“Enough with the marijuana jokes, Dave,” Karkat said. Dave raised his hands in defense.

“To be fair, it wasn’t a weed joke until you MADE it a weed joke,” he argued. Karkat sighed.

After that, the three got to work with studying, which was their original intent. Before they knew it, an hour was up, and their brains hurt with how much last-minute knowledge they’d attempted to cram into them. Dave flopped backwards into the floor.

“All in favor of ditching homework and watching one of Karkat’s many pointless fluff movies say ‘uuuugh.”

“Uuuugh,” Kanaya and Karkat groaned. “And they’re not pointless,” Karkat added.

Kanaya’s phone buzzed, and the two boys startled. Kanaya picked up her phone to reveal the words “Granny (green heart emoji) Would Like to FaceTime,” and gestured for her friends to gather around. She clicked on the green pickup button, revealing the ancient Rosa Maryam.

“Kanaya!” She exclaimed with a surprisingly light voice. “How are you, dear?” Kanaya waved.

“Hi, Granny. I’m doing good.” She pointed the screen at Karkat. “Karkat’s studying with me.”

“Karkat Vantas! It’s been ages since I last saw you!” He smiled.

“Hey, Rosa. You look nice.” Rosa   
subconsciously touched her face.

“Do I? I was on a plane all yesterday, I was worried I looked horrible!” She chuckled. “Who’s your friend?” She asked.

“This is Dave,” Kanaya introduced. “He’s studying with us.”

“Pleasure to meet you, ma’am,” Dave said with convenient southern charm. Dumb Texans.

“So, Kanaya!” Rosa exclaimed. “Tell me about school! The year’s wrapping up, are you feeling stressed?” Kanaya shrugged.

“A little, I guess. But I’ll be okay.” 

“Do you have someone special to help you through?” Her Granny asked smugly. Kanaya flushed.

“Um.. well.. I mean, there is this one girl that I-“

“YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?!” Rosa exclaimed with a noise of excitement. “Kanaya, that’s amazing! Tell me all about her!”

“No, I-“

“Wait, don’t tell me, I want your mother to know.” She turned to someone off camera. “Porrim, come here! Kanaya has news.” 

A woman (Kanaya’s mother) appeared on screen behind her grandmother. She was young, maybe thirty and was sporting multiple tattoos and piercings. She wore and apron and her arms were covered in flour.

“Hi, Mama,” Kanaya greeted her. “Are you doing some baking?”

“Tell her about your girlfriend!” Rosa prompted, impatiently. 

“You have a girlfriend?” Porrim questioned. “Priya, why didn’t you tell me? I’ve been trying to get you onto the dating scene since you were fourteen, and you go ahead and do it on your own? I should know these things!” She scolded. Rosa whispered something to her, and her face softened. “Tell me about her. What’s her name?”

Kanaya looked stunned. You see, she didn’t ACTUALLY have a girlfriend. She had a crush on one of her friends. However, now that her mother had made such a huge deal out of it, she didn’t know what to do. She flushed harder.

“Um... Rose?” She squeaked. Dave grimaced a little, but thankfully made no comment.

“What’s her major?” Porrim asked.

“Psychology,” Kanaya answered with ease. Luckily, Rose and Kanaya were close enough for her to answer the typical dating questions. Porrim smiled.

“She sounds lovely,” she said. Karkat raised his eyebrows. Kanaya’s mother was not usually so easy to please. “Momma, I need your help with the bread.”

“Give me a minute, I’m talking with Kanaya!” She argued. “Kanaya, tell your mother that I need to stay and talk with you.” 

“Um.. I actually have to go, Granny! I love you! Bye!”

“Oh! Bye, Kana-“

Kanaya hung up the phone before her grandmother could finish. She wheezed out a breath and laughed nervously. Dave frowned.

“So, uh. Your mom is... hot.” Kanaya sputtered. Dave winced. “Nope! That came out wrong. She’s a very unattractive woman. I’m not attracted to her at all.”

“Jesus Christ,” Karkat breathed.

“In OTHER news,” Dave said, quickly changing the subject. “You’ve got the hots for my sister. That’s a fun thing that you never told me about once.”

“I was going to!” Kanaya insisted. “It’s just... I’ve never felt this way with anyone before. Rose is DIFFERENT than the other girls I’ve dated.” Karkat frowned.

“I don’t know, Kan. Vriska was pretty snobby, too.” Kanaya glared at him. “I mean. You’re right! Did I mention that you’re my best friend?” Dave snorted.

Kanaya’s phone buzzed, and the two boys watched her go through all five stages of grief as she read the text. She quietly groaned and typed out a response before flopping face down on the ground. Karkat cautiously poked her arm.

“Kill me,” she mumbled into the carpet. “Just kill me.” Dave curiously picked up her phone.

“‘Bring your girlfriend home for vacation!’ I’m guessing this is from your grandma?” He asked, reading the text aloud. Kanaya nodded. “Well, what are you going to say to her?” She sat up, typing a response back into her phone. Karkat gingerly picked up the device.

“... ‘Sure thing. Love you, Granny.’” He winced. “Kanaya-“

“Hush. I can do this.” She flopped back on the ground. “I’m sure Rose will understand.”

“Yeah, that’s exactly what I’d call my sister. ‘Understanding,’” Dave quipped. Kanaya shot him a glare.

“Listen. We can call her, ask her to come over, and explain the situation,” Karkat said. “Or Kanaya can send another text to Rosa saying that she panicked and lied.”

“Haha,” Kanaya deadpanned. “I think I have Rose’s number...”

————————————————

“So you need me to come to your place for spring break?” Rose asked. Kanaya winced.

“Well, yes, I told my Granny that you would. But, you see-“

“Alright. I’ll do it.” The three other gave Rose a shocked look. “What?”

“Well,” Karkat said. “You’re not always so... compliant.”

“You caught me at a good time. I’ve had a few glasses of wine and I just binged a bunch of Winona Ryder movies.” Dave slumped.

“In true lesbian fashion,” he said. Rose shot him a glare. “Listen, Rosie, you don’t know what you’re signing up for here.”

Kanaya’s eyes widened. Rose blinked and turned to Kanaya.

“What does he mean?” She asked.

“Oh, well her-“ Kanaya subtly elbowed his soft side. He flinched and rubbed at it, careful not to make it obvious to Rose.

“‘Her’...?” Rose prompted.

“Her mom is, like, super hot.” Kanaya grimaced, and Karkat flopped onto his back. Rose’s eyes went wide. “What? She is.”

“We don’t have the same type, Dave. I think I’ll manage without to many faux pas.” Dave raised a brow, leaning forward.

“Oh, really?” Rose stared down at him. “Oh ho. It is on. Kanaya, bring up a picture of your mom.”

“I’m not going to listen to you two gawk over my mother for one of your dumb sibling challenges.”

“Just bring up the photo, Kan!” Dave whined, turning to her. Kanaya licked her lips, trying to find a way to talk herself out of the situation, but ended up giving in.

“Oh,” Rose said, cheeks flushing lightly. Porrim Mayam was, in fact, exactly her type. “Now I have to go.” Karkat groaned.

“Groooooooss. Your family has some major issues, Dave.”

“Shut up, you’re the college equivalent of a bitter old lady. You don’t get to have opinions.”

“It is a little weird,” Kanaya peeped. “But you’ll come?”

“Of course!” Rose declared brightly. “Anything for my best friend.”

“Excuse you,” Dave said, offended. “I thought I was your best friend.”

“Yeah, and I thought I was Kanaya’s!” Karkat piped up. Rose rolled her eyes and gave Kanaya a smug look that would forever burn in her memory.

“Men.”

The words of a goddess.

————————————————

“Where does your family live again?” Rose asked, yawning. “I feel like we’ve been driving for days.”

“It’s only been two and half hours,” Kanaya said. “You should be used to this, right? California is almost a day’s trip from Texas.”

“Dave and I fly home for the holidays. Perks of having a rich mother who feels bad about depriving us of a proper childhood.”

“Oh.” Kanaya didn’t know much about Rose’s family, only that her childhood was scary and complicated. “I didn’t get in the way of a spring visit, did I?”

“No, don’t worry,” Rose said. “If you did, I would’ve kissed you, though. I hate family visits.”

Kanaya’s grip on the steering wheel tightened and her cheeks burned at the image of Rose kissing her. Her chest tightened for a second, and she sighed. If she was going to tell Rose, it might as well be at the start of their trip. That way they can get all the arguing, processing, and guidelines down before arriving.

“Rose, there’s something that I need to tell you.” Rose looked up from her phone.

“Is something wrong?”

“Well... not exactly.” She cleared her throat. “There’s, um. Something I didn’t tell you about this trip before you agreed to come.” The tension hung heavy in the air.

“...Is your grandmother all right?”

“What-?! Yes, of course! She’s... well, a little kooky, but she’s a tough cookie. I’m not worried about her.” She swallowed thickly. “Actually, we had this conversation. She was asking if I was in a relationship yet.” She chuckled nervously.

“Oh. Are you not out to your family?” Kanaya shook her head.

“No, they know I’m a lesbian.”

“Then what-“

“I said it was you!” Kanaya blurted out. “I said I had a girlfriend, and that the girlfriend was you.”

Rose stared at her friend for a second. Kanaya could feel her own blood rushing to her head, pounding in her ears. Her jaw clenched and she stared at the road, anxiously waiting for Rose to break the silence.

“...Oh,” Rose said, softly. “I... wasn’t expecting that.” Kanaya nodded, too scared to speak. “I suppose your family just put two and two together, yeah? Bringing a girl home for spring break does sound... like a romantic gesture of sorts.”

‘Sure,’ Kanaya thought. ‘Let’s go with that. Easier than explaining that I have a massive crush on you.” 

“Mhm,” Kanaya forced out, tightly. Rose clicked her tongue and brought her manicured hand to her shoulder. The taller girl stiffened a bit at the gesture.

“Don’t freak out about this. I’m not mad.” She smiled comfortingly. “Although, I gotta say, Dave was right. I had no idea what I was in for when I agreed to this.”

“I’m sorry,” Kanaya said with sincerity. Rose chuckled.

“Like I said, I’m not mad.” She stretched her arms out in front of her. “So, here’s a question: are we going to tell them the truth?”

“...I know that would be the right thing to do,” Kanaya said. “But Granny was so happy, and Mama lives for the idea of relationships, and I just don’t want to...”

“Disappoint them?” Rose offered. Kanaya nodded. “I understand. I’ll help you out.” Kanaya let out a breath that she didn’t know she was holding.

“Thank you,” she said. “I know it’s asking for a lot.”

“I’m kind of looking forward to it, though,” Rose said. “It’ll bring us closer, and give me practice for when I get around to asking Jade out.” Kanaya breath hitched a bit.

Jade was a really close friend of Rose’s. She’d met her a few times for lunch, and she was in her botany class. She was a lovely person, which made it even worse for Kanaya. If Rose had fallen for someone like, say, Aranea Serket (a girl that seemed to intertwine with all of her friend’s lives, being Vriska’s older sister, Dave and Rose’s older brother’s ex-boyfriend’s current girlfriend, and Karkat’s partner in film studies), who prided herself in manipulation and being a huge jerk, she could be rightfully upset with the person. But Jade was her friend. It was hard to be mad at her, even when Rose fawned over the way she knew how to do cool things like skateboard and solve science problems.

She just felt so PLAIN in comparison to her. Maybe it made her a little self-conscious. How could she compare to this intelligent, athletic, beautiful girl that Rose had fallen for? The two were perfect for each other, a match made in... well, in college, at least.

“Right,” she said, careful not to let her disappointment show. “Anyways, I want to set some boundaries for what’s going on.”

“I’m going to make a no lip-kissing rule straight off the bat,” Rose said. “Cheek kisses, hand holding, and all the other stuff I’m fine with, though.” Kanaya nodded.

“Also, we need to get our story straight. Mama’s a griller, she’s going to want to know how long we’ve been going out, how many dates we’ve been on, how we met.” 

“Well, we met through Karkat and Dave,” Rose said. “And we go out for lunch together with the group often. So those we don’t have to lie about. As for the length of our dating experience, I’d say maybe three months?” She picked at one of her nails. “That would be enough time to explain why you didn’t tell them about me until just now, as well as an appropriate time in a relationship to meet your partner’s family.” Kanaya blinked.

“You’re really good at this,” she said. Rose smiled sheepishly.

“We studied relationships in psychology for a bit. It was interesting.” Kanaya laughed.

“You are full of surprises.”

“Yeah. Hopefully you’ll find some more interesting ones on this trip,” she said, smiling. Kanaya forced herself to not blush.

It didn’t work.


End file.
